Nonviolent Communication

Most of us have been taught to communicate passively, critically, or manipulatively––and that’s so normal to us that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. That is, until we find ourselves feeling powerless to get our needs met, repeating the same conflicts with those we love, and feeling alone or trapped in our relationships. The nonviolent framework provides a systematic approach by teaching us to be present to our own needs, feelings, and requests without blaming others or internalizing shame.

I have found nonviolent communication to be extremely helpful in clearer and more accurate expression. Additionally, the use of nonviolent communication bypasses many of the standard miscommunications and perceived offenses of standard conversation, facilitating information flow without argument. Interestingly, the use of nonviolent communication may also make the speaker appear more charismatic and persuasive.

NVC is the practice of making an observation, expressing a feeling, then a need and making a request. Using NVC takes the charge out of communication which can be so painful and threatening to the survival of the relationship. It allows people to take ownership of their experience and not direct their feelings towards others, which usually only escalates conflict and leads to breakdowns. Utilizing NVC makes hearing one another much easier by staying calm & cool.

Therapy is all about relationships and communication: relationships with ourselves, with our partners, attachment figures, with our communities, with our environments. And communication is the primary way we interact with all of those entities. Nonviolent communication is a specific and mindful way of speaking that requires emotional identification and vocabulary, self regulation, attunement, and trust. Ultimately, it's a method of communication that will improve all of your relationships.

NVC is the practice of making an observation, expressing a feeling, then a need and making a request. Using NVC takes the charge out of communication which can be so painful and threatening to the survival of the relationship. It allows people to take ownership of their experience and not direct their feelings towards others, which usually only escalates conflict and leads to breakdowns. Utilizing NVC makes hearing one another much easier by staying calm & cool.

Do you want to resolve conflicts - with yourself and others - in ways that honor your deepest needs? Do you want solutions that work for you and also meet the needs of others? Nonviolent Communication is about how to make that happen. It's about creating the kind of relationship that helps to meet, or at least honor, everyone's needs. It doesn't always get us what we want, but it greatly increases the chances of truly satisfying our underlying needs.

NVC uses a Person-Centered approach based in humanistic psychology to enhance communication, understanding, and connection with the goals being to improve the overall quality of one's life by transforming how we speak to one another.

I was introduced to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) about 17 years ago and have been drawing upon the practice ever since. NVC is a way of perceiving one's self, one another and the world with empathy--truly listening with an open heart. I am inspired by NVC's stance that humans share common needs. In my work, I listen for those needs; to be understood, to have choice, or be considered, to name a few. Learning to connect with our feelings and needs creates space for healing.

NVC is foundational to the work I do with clients. I encourage my clients to communicate with themselves and with others from a place of empathy, understanding and openness/flexibility, all while asserting and holding personal boundaries.

Specific training in this area.

Often we struggle within our relationships due to a lack of understanding of how to communicate. Nonviolent communication gives us a good framework to learn the art of communication.

Step by step guidelines to express our feelings, needs, and requests.  Applies to communication, setting boundaries, and relationships.

I was trained in NVC and have used it with clients since 2009.

The work of Marshall Rosenbaum has been instrumental in forming my practice. The strategies outlined by this practice are useful in working with families and couples. NVC helps people own their own emotions, not those of others.

I use decolonized non-violent communication in understanding and stating your needs and ways you can be supported.

NVC is more than a communication tool, it is a lens through which we can see ourselves and others. I have done multiple trainings in NVC over the past several years which has led me to feel comfortable integrating it into therapy sessions with both individuals and couples. I disagree with the idea that NVC is a script to follow, and rather view it as practice for creating more understanding, compassion, and choice in our lives.